A long distance relationship

«I’ve been looking so long at these pictures of you»

– I’m leaving. I need to find myself, need time with others. I don’t want to be stuck in the same old thing. It’s not you, it’s me.

The words you spoke on an early spring day hurt. Now it’s August. Here I sit missing you. I look at pictures on my phone, at negatives from disposable cameras and old prints. You left abruptly. One day we spent together, the next you were gone.

«Remembering you running soft through the night»

It was the last evening. The sun would never set. We played until dusk caught us. You and me. When I woke up the next day, you were gone. You were headed to New Zealand, Australia, and on to Chile. You’re there now. I follow you on socials. It hurts. You’re playing with others. I only have the memories. The pictures. Moments frozen in time. Short glimpses that paint pictures in my head, memories that could fill a gallery.

«You were bigger and brighter and wider than snow»

Do you know how much space you took up in my life? I shouldn’t punish myself like this. I should meet others. Do things on my own. My friends tell me I need to get out, feel other things, live my life. You said you’d come back. You promised. Do you keep your word? But I see you every day. Grinning ear to ear on a mountain in Chile with people I don’t even know.

«So much more than everything»

We were never exclusive, but to me you were all-consuming. We all played together, and you were the center we danced around, sang to, spent our days with. You’re missed by more than just me. But we wait faithfully. There are several of us missing that time — we look at pictures, watch films, try to fill the emptiness with meaning.

«…the pictures are all I can feel»

We’ll play again. You’ll be allowed to bring joy to others. You’re not mine — it just feels that way when the longing washes over me. When I see you playing with others on another continent. And I’m not alone. You’ve left before and always come back. It’s getting close. I look at the pictures. We’ll take new ones. Soon.